Sunday, November 19, 2006

oh well

You Will Die at Age 85

Congratulations! You take good care of yourself.
You're poised to live a long, healthy life.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Family history

A few years ago I decided it would be in my best interest to learn about the origins of my family for not only me but my daughter. I figured it would be nice to have so my daughter would be able to hand it down to her children and eventually grandchildren.

In my searches a few years ago I was using an online genealogy site when I came across a posting that struck me. It was from a pair of girls searching for their dad whom they had never met. It seems their mom have given them up for adoption when they were very young and their dad never knew of their existence.

The ad they had placed made mention of a circus trainer and an area that he may have spent time in. As I read the ad I slowly became shocked because part of my family history was unfolding before my eyes.

My Uncle Bill was an Elephant trainer for the Barnum and Baily circus and for the most part a gypsy. I believe he had gotten involved with the circus through an uncle of his or even a grandfather. What stuck me was that he never knew that his daughters even existed. The ad that I was reading were in fact long lost cousins searching for their family.

When I got in contact with them I figured i could help them locate their dad. No one in the family had heard from him in years and sadly my own father took his life in 1995 so I didn't have his knowledge t fall back on. I did the next best thing and contacted an Aunt I knew of but never met.

The mistake the girls were making was the fact that they were searching for a William Maynard which was My Uncles legal name. Having had a lot of shady past in my family I heard stories of the name being hidden for a period of time to keep my grandfather out of jail. My grandfather had taken on his mothers maiden name of Manigan and never told the children of their origins. It wasn't until my dad would get thrown out of the military and told to get his name fixed that the truth would come to light. My Uncle would never fix his last name to the correct surname..

When I knew exactly who I was looking for it was a matter of a few keystrokes to find out that my Uncle Bill had already past away in Garland (Hot Springs) Arkansas. The girls would never get to meet their dad unfortunately. My Uncle did have a son but that boy never knew what his true surname was so to this date he still uses the name Daniel Manigan... unaware he has cousins and even sisters from the Maynard surname...

I dropped out of doing the genealogy search for a while but in a quest of finding out my new found cousin continued on with the search and opened up a plethora of information regarding our family. Tonight as I was reading though my family tree and searching further for info I got a scope for where my family tree goes which is nothing short of amazing..

My family is among the oldest in this country starting with Thomas Minor (1608 - 1690) coming to this country and landing in Salem Ma on July 1629. He was one of the founding members of the First Church in this country. The old north church in Boston is the Second Church and was known as such. Apparently Thomas was one of the first settlers to start the puritan (Protestant) religion in this country.... not bad considering my true views on the church ....

It simply amazes me that my roots are so deep in this country and in New England in general. I guess you could say I am lucky enough to have had family that lived through every ounce of modern history this country has endured since its birth ..

Cool huh ...

Friday, November 03, 2006

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, The battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Hey how ya been

Well it has most certainly been a while since I posted anything of substance. I had decided to step back because I needed to get out of the negative funk I had been in and just start to let life be. I've been told by numerous people I over think everything and I need to just be. Well that's something I have been trying to do more of and not get sucked in by any negative black holes.

So what's news?

Annah Moore's book came out this past week and showed up on my doorstep Monday evening. For those who aren't aware that may read this Annah is a cool friend of mine who kicks ass on the guitar. Annah has written a book with her experience about G.I.D, Transsexualism and Transition

I sat and read the book over the course of two evenings and I have to say I'm quite impressed with her insight. Her book is written in a well spoken and thought out manner. While we have had prior discussions about a lot of what ended up in her book, it amazes me how many parallels that anyone dealing with this seem to have. To sit and read another persons experience and be able to so closely and directly relate it to your own is nothing short of mind numbing.

If you are dealing with this issue or simply want to educate yourself please take it upon yourself to read this book. The more people that educate themselves the healthier this world becomes..

Knowledge is power...


You can find her book at http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?&isbn=0-595-39523-6

I challenge people to open their minds and read it without prejudice


Next up,

I've been taking more and more steps to let people know what has been going on with me and the circle of people that know is slowly closing in now. For most this may not seem like a big deal but for me it is huge. This is the biggest step in releasing myself of all the years of guilt, frustration and self hatred. In every step I've made it has been refreshing and freeing. as difficult as this is to deal with it has made me feel more at ease not running for the first time in life.

This is it for now but it certainly beats complaining ..Hope ya'll are well and have a kick ass day