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Is this thing on?

Mahogany rules

Some Days~

Blogs are a funny thing because some days you feel you want to share your life with the world and some you just feel like eh what the fuck is the point. While I had in mind that once I started working on myself that I would just fade into the woodwork that apprently hasn't happened.. maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment!

The fact is that I realized I could help make a difference and maybe show someone else they aren't alone. Or educate people to understand that we are all different and as a race that in itself give us richness, it keeps life interesting. The bottom line for me is that a certain amount of it is self serving. That is to say I do it for selfish reasons

It is kind of hard to think that you can be selfish in sharing yourself with the world in such an open manner but there is so much that I have gotten in return from it that I feel I get back more than I give sometimes.

I recently read a blog from a good friend of mine regarding the sharing of art and the fact the people are willing to enjoy it without being willing to give back. I can fully understand as a musician where she was coming from and I agree with her 100%. I guess in some crazy way this is why I've been able to get back from my blog, simply from the friendship and support I've received... I only wish all aspects of sharing could be that full.

Recently I received a really cool email from Catfish who I actually met through Sully. We haven't had the chance to talk much directly but from everything I've heard about him and read within his own blog he comes across as a really cool guy.

When I got the email from him I was surprised because it was done as a nice gesture out of the blue. While Dan never really knew me personally he certainly went out of his way to pat me on the back and express that he thought it was great I was working to find myself ... that's all I can ever ask for in life. Dan is certainly the type of person that I would normally associate with simply because he cares... So Dan if you see this blog ..this is a heartfelt thank you ...

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On a side note I always get deep into what's going on emotionally or something in left field so today is a bit of an add on. The weather has become typical New England as it has gotten really cold. As I sit here an write this the current temprature is only 11 degrees. The crazy thing is that we still have only gotten a total of 2" of snow this season while upstate New York at last count was well on their way to 100" of snow within 1 weeks time. Now that is crazy stuff!! I can't remember the last time we had a huge snowstorm other than the famous blizzard of 78 when I was a kid.


I got a new guitar in the stable 2 days ago and I must say she kicks major ass. It is a Charvel Mahogany Strat with a maple board and without being plug in the thing resonates so well it is loud. I've never owned a guitar that had that kind of depth naturally without a ton of distortion behind it. As I was on the phone with Sully I hit a note and the guitar just sustains for days ...and BTW Sull there was no compression added to get that it was just the guitar ....

Maybe I'll get off my duff and post pictures of it soon .....



Anyway enough for now, onward and upward ...
~K~

My stages of GID

When I was young maybe around the age of 5 and then more so at the age of 7 I knew something was not right with me. I never understood the aspect and the differences in gender at that age so it wasn't as though I could point to it and say that I felt female in my mind.

I understood that I was being pushed to socialize and be segregated with the boy on the playground. Back in those days things were much different in the boy/girl socialization and it was never more noticeable than things like school yard recess. I specifically remember how the girls were on one side of the school yard and the boys were on the other separated by a yellow line like you would see down the center line of a divided highway.

I never understood why I couldn't go over to the girls side I just knew I wanted too. I never equated it to the differences within my mind as much as it just seemed more natural to want to be over there. I was never a rough and tumble boy it just wasn't in my nature and for the most part I tended to be a lot more sensitive than my peers.

When you are that young and thrown into a situation that you are not comfortable with it can deeply affect you. I certainly knew I had to learn to play a tough guy act if I was to survive among the other boys, after all that is how I was being socialized. At times I could play a tough guy act but if I was called on it (which happened easily I didn't appear tough) I couldn't back it up.

I think as most parents our job in nurturing our children isn't much different than training an animal to some degree. If nature dictates a specific behaviour we then take that behaviour and use it as a modified trick further evolving the behaviour in the animal. This for the most part is the easiest way to train any animal.

So how does this equate to human beings? I think any child that shows a natural positive behaviour, that particular behaviour should be reinforced and nurtured. For instance if your child shows a talent for drawing then it is easy to make drawings a positive thing thus allowing the child to hone the talent. I don't see how this couldn't be done with anything that works to make a child grow into a well rounded adult.

This was a talent my mom simply didn't have when it came to understanding her child. Anything regarding being different or being less than the other boys was something she made an attempt to correct. For instance instead of asking me what activities I might be interested in she made it a point to push me into them.

Scouts
Karate
Baseball

etc...

She tried to push me into contact sports but being the type of kid I was, the thought just simply terrified me and it was one of the few times I remember her not pushing me into it as she had done with other things.

I look back now on those times knowing what I've learned about myself wondering how I made it through. To some degree it is like being stuck in mid drift of anesthesia and having the doctor start the surgery. You are aware that it is happening but no matter how hard you try you just cannot communicate what is wrong. I'm finally thankful for the first time in my life I am able to communicate my inner self to the outer world and I only hope the world listens with acceptance and support ...

Soaps, Blogs and stuff

When I was a kid we lived with my grandmother who was drawn to all the daily television soaps in her retirement. I used to laugh because I would get home from school and my grandmother would be sleeping on the couch with whatever show was on and she would be snoring away. The minute I would change the channel I would hear from a dead sleep "I WAS WATCHING THAT!" It always amazed me she could see the tele through her eyelids like that. I guess it isn't much different than the moms who have eyes in the backs of their heads...

I never had any desire to watch a soap and the only reason I'd ever seen one was because of my dear old grandmother. After she past away I never watched one again, I just had no interest.

Until now ..

Lemme start by saying I don't think any differently about them now as I did then for the most part I think they are garbage simply because they base story lines around negativity all the time. Recently "All my children" started a new story line that was quite ground breaking and it peaked my interest when I heard it was going to be revealed.

The story line is based around an eccentric rock star named Zarf who meets a girl that he becomes infatuated with. When he starts to get involved he finds out she is a lesbian and things start to make more sense to him .... Because he's transgendered and has been suppressing it his whole life. He knew he was but he didn't feel safe enough dealing with it until all the cards seemingly fell into place.

As we all know in soaps nothing ever "falls" into place otherwise their story lines would be boring. What they have done with the story line is intertwined a little bit of every aspect someone dealing with GID has to endure. The fear of coming out, the self hatred, the acceptance of others and worse the harsh judgement of others as well all bare heavy on the soul.

From what I've read the writers wanted to do something ground breaking and had already walked the sexuality line so they decided the next best controversial subject was that of gender. In an effort to do the story justice the got involved with PFLAG to learn more deeply about the realism of the subject.

I have to say while I hate soaps I think they are doing an awesome job of showing how hard it is for someone to come out and be who they feel they truly are. I for one have my DVR set just to watch and see how the character deals with things...Hopefully others will watch and learn with an open mind and education is never a bad thing ...

Blogs~

Well I'm not sure where I am going with Mayday's lost world in the future as I'm moving into a new blog. I may just leave it up for others to read some of the subjects I've discussed but in the near future I am moving forward and moving on. Things will be changing a great deal and I'm learning where I fit in and what feels right and doesn't. The fact is that I'm moving forward can only serve me in a positive manner and I hope that others either agree or try to understand that.

Lastly we had a dusting of snow over the past night and woke up to a very peaceful beautiful white blanket. One of the only things I love about snow is that when it is fresh it leaves me with such a tranquil feeling.

Anyway enough for now ... happy Friday to all of you

Winter has arrived

Well maybe not in the form of snow but we had a massive ice storm over the last few days. Lost power several times and sheets of ice over everything ..

Done right, Down under

Boy I wish our leaders would buck up and be like this. At a time when the new Massachusetts Gov rescinded an immigration law allowing police to detain Illegal immigrants this is truly that attitude we need ... As a nation where are our morale values when it comes to our own naturalized citizens ... Maybe I need to move to Aussie ...

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Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told on
Wednesday to get out of Australia, as the government targeted
radicals in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.

A day after a group of mainstream Muslim leaders pledged loyalty to
Australia and her Queen at a special meeting with Prime Minister
John Howard, he and his Ministers made it clear that extremists
would face a crackdown. Treasurer Peter Costello, seen as heir
apparent to Howard, hinted that some radical clerics could be asked
to leave the country if they did not accept that Australia was a secular
state, and its laws were made by parliament. "If those are not your
values, if you want a country which has Sharia law or a theocratic
state, then Australia is not for you", he said on National Television.

"I'd be saying to clerics who are teaching that there are two laws
governing people in Australia: one the Australian law and another
the Islamic law, that is false. If you can't agree with parliamentary
law, independent courts, democracy, and would prefer Sharia law
and have the opportunity to go to another country, which practices
it, perhaps, then, that's a better option", Costello said.

Asked whether he meant radical clerics would be forced to leave,
he said those with dual citizenship could possibly be asked to move
to the other country. Education Minister Brendan Nelson later told
reporters that Muslims who did not want to accept local values
should "clear off. Basically people who don't want to be Australians,
and who don't want, to live by Australian values and understand them,
well then, they can basically clear off", he said.

Separately, Howard angered some Australian Muslims on Wednesday
by saying he supported spy agencies monitoring the nation's mosques
Quote: "IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT. Take It
Or Leave It. I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are
offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on
Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of
Australians."

"However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the
'politically correct' crowd began complaining about the possibility that
our patriotism was offending others. I am not against immigration, nor
do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming
to Australia." "However, there are a few things that those who have
recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to
understand." "This idea of Australia being a multicultural community has
served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity. And as
Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language
and our own lifestyle."

"This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials
and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom"

"We speak mainly ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese,
Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to
become part of our society . Learn the language!"

"Most Australians believe in God. This is not some Christian, right wing,
political push, but a fact, because Christian men and women, on Christian
principles, founded this nation, and this is clearly documented. It is
certainly appropriate to display it on the walls of our schools. If God
offends you, then I suggest you consider another part of the world as
your new home, because God is part of our culture."

"We will accept your beliefs, and will not question why. All we ask is
that you accept ours, and live in harmony and peaceful enjoyment with us."

"If the Southern Cross offends you, or you don't like "A Fair Go", then you
should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet. We are
happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really don't
care how you did things where you came from. By all means, keep your
culture, but do not force it on others.

"This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will
allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this. But once you are done
complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, Our Christian
beliefs, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one
other great Australian freedom, 'THE RIGHT TO LEAVE'."

"If you aren't happy here then LEAVE. We didn't force you to come here.
You asked to be here. So accept the country YOU accepted."

TYFA

T.Y.F.A~ Trans Youth Family Advocates

It isn't often that I'll re post or copy a subject from another blog or website. I won't do it simply because I consider myself to be a leader and not a follower in most instances. I also like to think I'm creative enough to write from my own heart and not ride the coat tails of others. That is unless there is a coat tail that is truly worth following.

After stopping by Annah Moore's blog and subsequently Emmy's blog I decided the topic at hand was one truly worth talking about to help educate people. I hope they both understand I'm not out to jump on a bandwagon but I am looking to spread a message.

I can only start this message and explain through my own experiences with G.I.D. When I was young I had an understanding that I was different but I was not allowed to understand what that was. I grew up in a very close minded homophobic household and I was expected to be nothing less than 110% red blooded American male and anything less was unacceptable. What these early negative interactions did to me left me in a state of mind that was not healthy to my long term plans for life.

I've always had a basic understanding that I had transgendered feelings and thoughts but I'd done everything in my power to suppress it, ignore it and run from it. While I was able to function in day to day life the after affect was a person who was negative and angry with the world around them. This would inevitably lead to a constant roller coaster of emotional turmoil all through my adult life.

I can honestly say that after slowly dealing with it for a little over a year and working on who I need to be I am becoming a more balanced person. I was told by my wife today I have become happier and more centered. I still have a long way to go but every positve step sheds years of negative emotion from my soul, I couldn't ask for more ..When I decided to get help and work on myself the last thing I expected to do was make it public. What I learned from being friends with Annah Moore is that in whatever stage we are dealing with in this we need to make others aware they are not alone and there are options.

So how does the title of this thread play into this? Simple!!

Looking back on the years of my life I'm truly thankful for the accomplishments I've made but I'm also regretful for the negative damage I've done in the process. Today's youth are no different now than I was or even Annah was back when we were teenagers, that is except for one thing...

When we were young there was no Internet. There was no way of getting information without opening yourself up to ridicule because it simply wasn't discussed. Today's youth have a plethora of information at their finger tips by using any search engine and lucky enough for them have a better chance at being themselves than people Like Annah or I did.

While all this information is available to help them figure themselves out or let parents of adolescence TG children find info to help the one thing that is lacking is public education. Make no mistake we as a race are better with each generation we teach of tolerance but without a start things will never change.

If you want to learn and support please checkout this video and the web link. Learn with an open mind and most of all if you know someone in this situation please show them support and love so they can learn to be themselves and not feel like life is a lie.




Here is a list of TYFA's beliefs .

TYFA Believes: All people, especially children, have the right to be listened to when they express something as core to their sense of self as gender identity, particularly when that gender identity expression differs from their assigned birth sex.

TYFA Believes: Anyone who supports and honors a child’s gender identity expression deserves in return the support and respect of their extended families, neighbors, communities, schools, child welfare agencies, the courts and last, but not least, the medical community.

TYFA Believes: There is no greater gift we can give, or positive role-modeling we can do, than to teach our children to respect and cherish diversity

Please educate and teach each new generation tolerance..... If you are TG'd and need to talk or get info visit Annahs website or feel free to write me if even for a sympathetic ear and most of all understand you aren't alone..

~K~