Mirrors

Look in the mirror
what do you see
is the reflection in your eyes
what your mind intends it to be

Reads pretty simple but when thought about it can be a very complex statement. Physically when I look in the mirror I know what I can see but my mind doesn't tell me what others can actually see, or what is reality. For instance a few years ago I decided that I wasn't feeling well heathwise or emotionally and decided to take care of myself and move in healthier directions. I had reached my heaviest weight of just under 200 lbs and approaching the age of 40 that scared the hell out of me. I've lost a lot of family members due to heart issues.

When I decided to do something about it and eat better I finally got back to what should be considered a normal weight (at least for me) I'm 5'9" and 145 pounds now. Yeah yeah people will think that's a bit too thin but I've always had a very small frame so it really isn't for me. Most people in my family are short 5' to 5' 6" and they push 250/300 pounds. It was a natural tendancy for me to follow suit. I can honestly say in losing weight it made me physically feel much better.

When I look in the mirror now though I still do not see myself as a thin person. My wife and I had this conversation at a local mall recently because people who hadn't seen me in a while get blown away by the change. In the course of the conversation I asked her to point out how big she thought I was in another person and when she did I couldn't believe her, I still felt she was trying to be nice. When I pointed out what I viewed myself as in someone elses size and she just laughed... "no" she said "not even close!".. but still that mirrors reflection doesn't tell me the truth ..

That is such a basic level because it it something you can almost hold in your hand. When you discuss physical attributes the proof is right in front of your eyes and there should be no denying it. Correct?

Lets open the door to the basement now and take it to a deeper level. Is the emotional level that your reflection dictates to you what you expect of yourself? The harder question is more in the sense of how other people view you emotionally vs what you think they can see of you. This has become more of a deeper thing for me over the last year as I'm working to strip away the person that hides my true self. In essense I'm working to make myself happy and be the best peron I can be for not only my well being but that of others.

Recently my wife and I have had a rough stretch with our family. We are cool as we are strong enough to work through most issues and come out stronger for the experience in the end. In dealing with it I can't help but think about my interactions with a family member and how it differed from years gone by. I've definetly grown as a human being in the last year and I'm slowly becoming someone that I can be proud of (whether others can or not is for a different blog)

In extending myself recently it was the treatment that I got as a result that knocked my socks off. I don't feel I deserved to open myself up and get trashed in the manner I did, but it happened. When it was all said and done this person doesn't seem to think they did anything wrong and they consider themselves to be caring and loving. For the most part they really are most of the time but when it comes to certain issues they become selfish, cold and they don't see the true reflection looking at them in the mirror thus hurting those that love them in the long run.

So what do YOU see? Is it not only what you expect to see but think about whether or not it is what other people can see. Sometimes our own perceptions are skewed in what we want to beleive vs truth in advertising ... Expect to be the better person and hope you get the same in return, if you do then it is all gravy ..