I'm tired

I'm tired.. I'm tired of people, I'm tired of living with this, I'm tired of fear and frustration, I'm tired of suddenly feel so insecure over everything, I'm tired of people who take but cannot give and I'm just plain tired of living tonight.

I try so hard to be open, giving and caring. Maybe I try too hard who knows. I try to be generous with my time, my ear, my compassion and my money. I constantly try to give but rarely ever get in return.

Don't get me wrong I do have a few friends that check in and try and make sure I'm good. I appreciate those people more than I could ever express to them, albeit I try to make sure they know it.

I'm not sure when the turning point was for me I can't put my finger on the day or anything. I was always outgoing and confident even with my hidden secrets. But lately I'm insecure and I'm not used to feeling that way. I'm constantly beating myself up wondering what people think and caring too much about what they think. My skin has gotten thin.. thinner than it has been since I was a kid..

When I was young I was semi introverted, unsure of myself in this world and not extremely outgoing. As I got older music and bands changed that for me. I became a little more of an extrovert and I noticed that people were drawn to me.

Call it cocky or call it confidence, whatever you want, but I had that certain charisma that people seemed to be drawn towards. I was never a follower, I couldn't be. My wife knew it. she could never understand how no matter where we went someone would either know me or talk to me like they had known me their whole lives.. Is that being cocky? who knows

The confidence was a good way of not letting people in and it certainly helped keep me from being hurt by people. It helped hide the real me, it helped conceal my darkest fears and make them shielded from making me a vulnerable person

So how did I go from people being drawn to me to feeling as though I've been pushing them away?When did I lose that self confidence I had become so used too.

Tonight I'm certainly tired..... I'm tired of life..