Rain

Nice cool rain tonight and the sound is sooo soothing. Nice way to clear the head and be at peace with your thoughts. Yesterdays entry may have seemed a bit cryptic or out in left field and who knows maybe from the outside looking in it was. Maybe a bit of insecurity from the inside makes it that.

Things are good, life is ok. I'm just learning to cope with it a bit differently. I've never been out of my element like this, some days are good ones, some days are rough ones, but at the end of the road at least I'm still here to weather the rough ones and take in the good ones.

I'm not looking for sympathy, I'm not asking for permission or validation .. I'm just learning. Learning how to deal with a world that I'm looking at with wider eyes for the first time. When dealing with the G.I.D apparently it can be a common thing, it is the first time I've not sheltered the way I felt or view the world around me.

My way of dealing has always been to put my thoughts in writing, and my feelings into the guitar it is all good therapy.

My insecurity is what has been driving me lately. It's been making me more aware of not only my surroundings but people around me. It's made me feel like I'm constantly being watched and it isn't something I've been accustomed to dealing with through my life. At least I'm experiencing and learning from it... Before I was numb to it, now I'm just aware...

Tonight we went out to panera for a light dinner and just talked. For the first time my wife was able to put some things into perspective for me that were a little harder for me to view without being a bit blinded by my own thoughts and emotions. She made a lot of sense and the nice part was she understood where I was coming from and pointed to things that were good for me to see...